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Relationship Goals

If you aren 麻豆精品 S檛 taking these six actions, you should be, according to experts at UCF 麻豆精品 S檚 Marriage and Family Research Institute.

An illustration of a man and a woman under an umbrella while rain falls around them.

Sejal Barden, associate professor of counselor education and executive director of UCF 麻豆精品 S檚聽Marriage and Family Research Institute, considers healthy relationships as important in one 麻豆精品 S檚聽life as water, food and shelter.

麻豆精品 S淲e have found if you have toxic relationships, that is predictive of negative health outcomes聽from heart disease to stroke to early onset Alzheimer 麻豆精品 S檚, 麻豆精品 S Barden says. 麻豆精品 S淪o healthy relationships聽are not just related to our mental health, but they 麻豆精品 S檙e really related to our physical health, too. At聽our core as humans, we need to feel understood and have a sense of belonging to people. 麻豆精品 S

While some aspects of our physical health may be out of our control due to genetics, Barden聽says the good news is that we are all capable of learning techniques to foster better, healthier聽relationships in our lives. This may be more important than ever after the stress and isolation聽that the COVID-19 pandemic inflicted on all of us.

Barden applies her expertise to share some warning signs and useful tips to help strengthen the聽relationships in your life.

Set yourself up for success.

If you want to maintain聽healthy relationships,聽Barden says that starts by聽establishing boundaries.聽 麻豆精品 S淲e teach people how to聽treat us, 麻豆精品 S she says. 麻豆精品 S淪o聽much of relationships is聽patterns, so if we start聽by talking eight hours a聽day or spending every聽waking moment together,聽at some point that is not聽going to be a sustainable聽pattern, and that can lead聽to a lot of hurt feelings and聽misunderstanding. 麻豆精品 S

Don 麻豆精品 S檛 wait to take action.

麻豆精品 S淪tatistically we find that聽couples wait way too long聽to seek help, and early聽intervention is so important聽for couples, 麻豆精品 S Barden says.聽 麻豆精品 S淛ust because you start out聽healthy doesn 麻豆精品 S檛 mean you are聽always going to stay healthy.聽Everyone is at risk for having聽upsides and downsides in聽a relationship. We expect聽that, and having some tools聽can help foster relationship聽resilience. 麻豆精品 S

Conflict is healthy, but watch out for criticism.

Barden says conflict聽is inevitable in any聽relationship, but how we聽argue with our loved ones聽is key. 麻豆精品 S淚t 麻豆精品 S檚 really important聽to not come out of the gate聽blaming and attacking the聽other person, but instead聽saying, 麻豆精品 S楳y feelings were聽hurt when this happened; can聽we talk about this? 麻豆精品 S Research聽has shown for decades that聽the way in which couples聽handle conflict, specifically聽the harshness or softness聽in how they approach those聽conversations, ultimately is聽a deciding factor if they stay聽together or get divorced. 麻豆精品 S

Vocalize appreciation and gratitude daily.

麻豆精品 S淎ppreciation and聽gratitude are fundamental聽and foundational to all聽relationships 麻豆精品 S siblings,聽parents, spouses, kids, 麻豆精品 S澛燘arden says. 麻豆精品 S淎nd it 麻豆精品 S檚 not聽just saying, 麻豆精品 S業 appreciate you聽for being awesome. 麻豆精品 S Instead聽try something focused like,聽 麻豆精品 S業 really appreciate when聽you made my coffee this聽morning because you could聽see I was really tired. 麻豆精品 S Even聽in the chaos of our busy聽lives, there 麻豆精品 S檚 always time聽to communicate simple聽appreciations. 麻豆精品 S

Timeouts are ok.

Barden says when the聽intensity of a conversation聽gets to be too much, it may聽be time to take a step away.聽 麻豆精品 S淧hysiologically our bodies聽stop being able to process聽information at that point, 麻豆精品 S澛爏he says. 麻豆精品 S淭imeouts are so聽important, but it doesn 麻豆精品 S檛聽mean just getting up without聽saying anything and walking聽away from your partner.聽Instead, say, 麻豆精品 S業 feel myself聽getting really emotional聽right now, so I need to take聽10 minutes, and I 麻豆精品 S檒l come聽back to you. 麻豆精品 S 麻豆精品 S

Truly listen to your loved one’s feedback.

麻豆精品 S淟istening is probably the聽hardest thing to teach and聽do, and it couldn 麻豆精品 S檛 be more聽important in a relationship, 麻豆精品 S澛燘arden says. 麻豆精品 S淢ost of these聽things that we have conflict聽about are not solvable. We聽all just want to feel heard聽and understood. So when we聽can validate our partner 麻豆精品 S檚聽feedback, even when it 麻豆精品 S檚 not聽positive, by saying, 麻豆精品 S業 can see聽your perspective, 麻豆精品 S it shows聽them that you 麻豆精品 S檙e listening. 麻豆精品 S

UCF 麻豆精品 S檚 Marriage and Family Research Institute

The impact of Associate聽Professor Sejal Barden 麻豆精品 S檚聽research and work is聽far-reaching, both within聽and beyond the UCF聽community. This year,聽聽earned a national award from聽the American Counseling聽Association 麻豆精品 S渇or making a聽significant contribution in the聽counseling field in support聽of families and family聽members. 麻豆精品 S

To date, Barden has聽secured more than聽$20 million as lead or聽co-investigator on research聽to improve outcomes for聽couples facing their darkest聽times, including a five-year,聽$7.5 million grant from the聽federal Office of Family聽Assistance to compare the聽benefits of in-person and聽online interventions for聽low-income couples.

MFRI was established in聽2003 on the main campus聽and is open to anyone over聽the age of 18 in the Orlando聽community. Run by trained聽professionals, the institute 麻豆精品 S檚聽services are supported by聽the U.S. Department of聽Health and Human Services,聽so its resources are offered聽free to the public.

麻豆精品 S淐ouples who have been聽through our program say,聽 麻豆精品 S楾his saved our marriage.聽This has been the most聽meaningful thing we 麻豆精品 S檝e done聽in the last decade, 麻豆精品 S 麻豆精品 S Barden聽says. 麻豆精品 S淲ord of mouth is our聽No. 1 referral source, and I聽think that聽speaks聽volumes聽about聽the work聽we do. 麻豆精品 S

sejal bordon headshot