麻豆精品

Summer 2014

Aaron calls to say we 麻豆精品 S檙e running out of time, and I know that we 麻豆精品 S檙e going to have to do it all over again, the collecting, the hiding, the waiting to come out of the dark.

麻豆精品 S淕race, 麻豆精品 S� he says. 麻豆精品 S淲here are you? Where are you right now? 麻豆精品 S�

He 麻豆精品 S檚 got that warble in his voice, like he 麻豆精品 S檚 just swallowed a kazoo, that and the tone that means business, like in movies when the screen splits and we see the people on both ends of the line, the air traffic controller telling the twelve-year-old girl how to land the plane, or the hero asking the chief which color wire to cut.

麻豆精品 S淧ublix, 麻豆精品 S� I say. 麻豆精品 S淚 麻豆精品 S檓 at Publix. 麻豆精品 S�

麻豆精品 S淧erfect, 麻豆精品 S� Aaron says. 麻豆精品 S淚 want you to get ten 麻豆精品 S攖wenty 麻豆精品 S攇allons of water, eight rolls of duct tape, five pounds of jerky, and a pear. 麻豆精品 S�

He still calls it duck tape, like the bird. Last time I corrected him, he didn 麻豆精品 S檛 talk to me for two days, so I let it go.

麻豆精品 S淲hy the pear? 麻豆精品 S� I ask.

麻豆精品 S淚 like pears, 麻豆精品 S� Aaron says, and it 麻豆精品 S檚 like he 麻豆精品 S檚 saying: Just because the world 麻豆精品 S檚 ending, I can 麻豆精品 S檛 get a pear, for God 麻豆精品 S檚 sake?

Except that, for Aaron, the world is always ending. It 麻豆精品 S檚 the third time this year, and it 麻豆精品 S檚 only July. I 麻豆精品 S檓 thinking last night 麻豆精品 S檚 fireworks set him off, but there has to be more to it. Probably he 麻豆精品 S檚 off his meds. Aaron loses it, and, nine out of ten times, it means he 麻豆精品 S檚 gone off his meds.

Used to be, he 麻豆精品 S檇 warn me. 麻豆精品 S淚 麻豆精品 S檓 just going to try, 麻豆精品 S� he 麻豆精品 S檇 say. 麻豆精品 S淛ust for a week or two. 麻豆精品 S�

When I stopped supporting these experiments, he stopped telling me. Now, I have to guess, which isn 麻豆精品 S檛 hard given the things that come out of his mouth. The trick is figuring out how long he 麻豆精品 S檚 been off.

First day, he 麻豆精品 S檒l feel nothing. By the end of the first week, he tends to claim a clarity and empathy he hasn 麻豆精品 S檛 felt in years. 麻豆精品 S淚 want to hump the world! 麻豆精品 S� he 麻豆精品 S檒l say, pulling me onto the bed.

Then, week two will hit, and like clockwork, or something more precise and calculating than clockwork, Aaron will start in on that year 麻豆精品 S檚 fear.

It wasn 麻豆精品 S檛 always the end of the world. For a while, Aaron was afraid to leave the house. Those weeks were okay. We 麻豆精品 S檇 lie in bed, snuggle, watch TV. One time, we watched Labyrinth three times in a row. By the third viewing, Aaron was sobbing. I shook the pills into his palm and he drank them down.

Then there was the year of the bees. Bumblebee or butterfly, it didn 麻豆精品 S檛 matter. Aaron would see a bug and freak out. When he was a child, a bee sting put him in the hospital for two days. Now, everywhere he goes, there 麻豆精品 S檚 an EpiPen in his pocket. Aaron gets stung, he has less than a minute to plunge the needle into his leg before his throat swells shut. It 麻豆精品 S檚 a fear I respect, a fear that makes sense when you 麻豆精品 S檙e all the time only seconds away from death.

He 麻豆精品 S檚 only been stung the one time, but twice he 麻豆精品 S檚 put himself back in the hospital. 麻豆精品 S淚 really thought there was a bee, 麻豆精品 S� he 麻豆精品 S檒l say, EpiPen empty in its little tan tube.

麻豆精品 S淲on 麻豆精品 S檛 be long now, 麻豆精品 S� he 麻豆精品 S檒l say, canning fruit or sharpening the blade of a knife. 麻豆精品 S淲on 麻豆精品 S檛 be long at all. 麻豆精品 S�

I blame his parents. Not for the depression 麻豆精品 S擨 mean, maybe that 麻豆精品 S檚 their fault. Maybe there 麻豆精品 S檚 something messed up with their genes. I don 麻豆精品 S檛 know. I don 麻豆精品 S檛 know how DNA works. I only know that his folks bought into the whole Y2K thing, and Aaron 麻豆精品 S檚 never been the same since.

Imagine it: You 麻豆精品 S檙e eight years old, all of your friends are partying with their families or up late with other friends at New Year 麻豆精品 S檚 Eve sleepovers, and, instead of watching the ball drop with your parents, you 麻豆精品 S檙e huddled in the basement watching your mom cry. The basement is stocked with two years 麻豆精品 S� worth of water, batteries, and green beans. Upstairs, a TV 麻豆精品 S檚 been left on, and Dick Clark counts down. Downstairs, you shut your eyes and wait for the end of the world.

You could say Aaron 麻豆精品 S檚 been waiting ever since. I should know. I 麻豆精品 S檝e known Aaron most of his life. In kindergarten he pulled my pigtails, and by high school I was letting him pull down my pants. Neither of us were college material, so, after graduation, he got a job at Arby 麻豆精品 S檚 and I got a job down the street at Payless shoes. Sometimes our lunch hours overlap, and we meet at McDonald 麻豆精品 S檚. He smells like old beef and I smell like feet, and we eat our McNuggets and pretend that we 麻豆精品 S檙e better than this. Truth is, we 麻豆精品 S檙e twenty and we live with our parents, but that 麻豆精品 S檚 okay because we have each other, and I 麻豆精品 S檝e come to believe that each other is enough.

Most nights I spend at Aaron 麻豆精品 S檚. His parents call me the daughter they never had, which is sweet but also kind of messed up since they must know I 麻豆精品 S檓 sleeping with their son.

At Publix, I get everything off of Aaron 麻豆精品 S檚 list that will fit in the cart. I have a card from my parents to cover food, and, so long as I keep it under two hundred a month, Dad won 麻豆精品 S檛 yell. Most meals, I pay for myself so I can stock up on weeks Aaron goes a little crazy. His therapist calls this enabling. I call it love. She says I 麻豆精品 S檓 a problem, and I, for one, have agreed to disagree.

At home, I pop the trunk. It 麻豆精品 S檚 got a dozen gallons in it, and I grab the first two. I start up the front steps and almost kick over the jar. This I 麻豆精品 S檓 used to. Every few months, we find one, a mason jar fat with amber, lid collared by a yellow bow 麻豆精品 S攁 sort of thank-you for ignoring the bees.

A while back, the woman next door set up a hive. Generally, the bees stay on her side of the fence, though, from Aaron 麻豆精品 S檚 backyard, you can watch them rise, a fog of tiny helicopters circling the house. Aaron 麻豆精品 S檚 mom called the county, but it turns out there 麻豆精品 S檚 no law against keeping bees.

She petitioned the homeowners association to dub the neighborhood bee-free, but the beekeeper threatened litigation. In the end, the HOA let the lady keep her bees, provided no one got stung, and, in two years, no one has. The women settled their differences, and now we get honey.

Aaron meets me at the door.

麻豆精品 S淪weet! 麻豆精品 S� he says. He pulls the jar from my hand, leaving me to juggle the gallons.

麻豆精品 S淭here 麻豆精品 S檚 more in the trunk, 麻豆精品 S� I say.

麻豆精品 S淭hose can wait, 麻豆精品 S� Aaron says. 麻豆精品 S淕et the pear. 麻豆精品 S�

I go back to the car, get the pear, and find Aaron in the basement. This is where he lives. The place is spotless, the way it gets his first week off meds. First he cleans everything, then he lets everything go to hell. The clothes he has on are the clothes he wore yesterday, and I wonder how long it 麻豆精品 S檚 been since he slept.

麻豆精品 S淐ome on, come on, 麻豆精品 S� Aaron says.

The basement is two rooms. One 麻豆精品 S檚 a bedroom. The other 麻豆精品 S檚 been converted to a living-room-slash-kitchen. It 麻豆精品 S檚 all belowground, setup intended for the Y2K end that never came.

Aaron 麻豆精品 S檚 on the bed, honey jar open between his knees. He balances a plate on top of the jar, and I drop the pear onto it. Aaron likes knives, keeps knives all over the house, and now he pulls one from his pocket, a Swiss Army deal, and unfolds a long blade from the handle. He splits the pear, picks the seeds from the middle, and hands me the plate. Then I watch as he lowers the blade past the open mouth and deep into the jar 麻豆精品 S檚 gold, glorious middle.

The knife rises, and it 麻豆精品 S檚 gilded, honey-sheathed. I lift the plate and wait for the drizzle.

Listen: If your honey comes in a bear-shaped bottle, you 麻豆精品 S檝e never had honey, and if you haven 麻豆精品 S檛 had honey, you haven 麻豆精品 S檛 lived. Real honey, honey fresh from the comb, is sweet, yes, but it also tastes like clover and sage, like cinnamon and lemon trees. I can 麻豆精品 S檛 explain it except to say that, before you die, you owe it to yourself to take a taste.

We eat the pears and make love, and, when we 麻豆精品 S檙e done, I run back to the car and unload the gallons, the rolls of tape, the jerky in its fat, five-pound bag.

I make half a dozen trips up and down the stairs, carrying water, and Aaron stocks the gallons in his pantry. What he 麻豆精品 S檚 got is an old wardrobe, converted, crowded with shelves. Together, we cut a hole in the drywall just big enough to tuck the wardrobe in. You can hardly tell it 麻豆精品 S檚 not a real pantry.

When Aaron gets scared, we stock up. When he comes out of it, we eat whatever we stocked up on.

I come down the stairs with the last gallon, and Aaron is crying.

麻豆精品 S淭here 麻豆精品 S檚 no room, 麻豆精品 S� he cries. The pantry is packed. 麻豆精品 S淭here 麻豆精品 S檚 no more room! 麻豆精品 S� He screams it, then sobs.

I touch his shoulder and he turns, wild-eyed, like a dog touched at the food bowl.

I hold up the last gallon. 麻豆精品 S淲e can slide it under the bed, 麻豆精品 S� I say. 麻豆精品 S淲e can put it anywhere. 麻豆精品 S� I should know better. There 麻豆精品 S檚 no use reasoning with Aaron when he gets this way, and, today, for whatever reason, he 麻豆精品 S檚 decided the only food and water we can keep is what fits on the shelves.

麻豆精品 S淭ake it away, 麻豆精品 S� he says. 麻豆精品 S淕ive it to Mom and Dad. They 麻豆精品 S檙e going to need it. 麻豆精品 S�

Early on in his delusions, this was a sticking point for us.

麻豆精品 S淧eople will want in, 麻豆精品 S� Aaron will say, 麻豆精品 S渂ut you 麻豆精品 S檝e got to be ready. You have to be prepared to tell them no. 麻豆精品 S�

麻豆精品 S淓ven our parents? 麻豆精品 S� I 麻豆精品 S檒l ask.

And Aaron, without a trace of sympathy, will say, 麻豆精品 S淓ven them. 麻豆精品 S�

麻豆精品 S淥kay, 麻豆精品 S� I 麻豆精品 S檒l say.

It bothers me, I 麻豆精品 S檒l admit, imagining my mother and father wandering the bomb-scarred wasteland, scavenging for food while Aaron and I get fat on beef jerky and canned corn. But, then, the end isn 麻豆精品 S檛 coming, and so my agreeing with Aaron isn 麻豆精品 S檛 the biggest of concessions. Compromising your ethics is one thing. Compromising your hypothetical ethics is another. And so I say, 麻豆精品 S淥kay. 麻豆精品 S�

That okay, it 麻豆精品 S檚 like enabling 麻豆精品 S攁nother word that, in my mouth, means love.

You want to know why I love Aaron. How, you 麻豆精品 S檙e wondering. How could she love a man who yells, who cries, who makes her carry jugs of water up and down the stairs? But you 麻豆精品 S檙e only seeing Aaron unwell. Aaron at his best is better than you or me, better than anyone I 麻豆精品 S檝e ever known. He 麻豆精品 S檚 gentle. He 麻豆精品 S檚 kind. But those are just words. Here 麻豆精品 S檚 a story:

I 麻豆精品 S檓 twelve, and, one day, this girl, Mandy Templeton, she empties her carton of milk onto my tray and floods my lunch. 麻豆精品 S淲hat 麻豆精品 S檙e you gonna do, 麻豆精品 S� she says, 麻豆精品 S渃ry about it? 麻豆精品 S� I stand, and she pushes me. She calls me names.

We 麻豆精品 S檙e at that age where, at lunch, boys sit with boys and girls sit with girls, but Aaron hears this and stands and walks over. He taps Mandy Templeton on the shoulder, and, when she turns, he punches her, hard as he can, right in the mouth. She hits the ground, screaming, spitting blood.

And even though she 麻豆精品 S檚 a girl and Aaron 麻豆精品 S檚 a boy and the rules of chivalry sort of demand things like this not be done, because Aaron 麻豆精品 S檚 so small, always getting picked on and never 麻豆精品 S擨 mean never 麻豆精品 S攕tanding up for himself, and because Mandy 麻豆精品 S檚 known by students and teachers alike for her cruelty, Aaron gets ten days expulsion, and that 麻豆精品 S檚 it.

Mandy 麻豆精品 S檚 teeth never looked right afterward, and no one ever messed with Aaron again.

Here 麻豆精品 S檚 another story:

Junior year, Aaron takes me to prom. We dance. We kiss. That 麻豆精品 S檚 all we 麻豆精品 S檝e ever done. The dance is over, and, instead of driving me home, Aaron surprises me with a hotel room.

We undress and get into bed. Then, just as we 麻豆精品 S檙e about to get started, I say, 麻豆精品 S淲ait. I can 麻豆精品 S檛. I 麻豆精品 S檓 not ready. 麻豆精品 S� And, Aaron, he smiles. He strokes my cheek. He says, 麻豆精品 S淪ure, Grace, okay, 麻豆精品 S� and takes me home. No fight, no fuss, not one word meant to make me feel bad.

Most high school guys don 麻豆精品 S檛 work that way, but Aaron 麻豆精品 S檚 always worked that way. And if the trade-off is that, a few weeks a year, he goes cuckoo, then that 麻豆精品 S檚 a trade-off I 麻豆精品 S檓 willing to take.

Aaron 麻豆精品 S檚 therapist calls him a wounded bird, but, I ask you, who wouldn 麻豆精品 S檛 care for a wounded bird? What kind of person sees a bird with a broken wing, cat on the horizon, and walks on by?

And so I buy the water. I tape the windows. I hunker down with Aaron, and, when I can, I get him to take his medication, knowing that, in a few days, it will kick back in and the man I love will come bubbling up from the ocean floor. He 麻豆精品 S檒l break the surface. Exhausted, he 麻豆精品 S檒l rest his head on my shoulder and say that I deserve better, and I 麻豆精品 S檒l tell him to shut up, and I 麻豆精品 S檒l rub his back and he 麻豆精品 S檒l sleep and I 麻豆精品 S檒l watch.

I carry the extra gallon upstairs. It 麻豆精品 S檚 Thursday, our shared day off, but Aaron 麻豆精品 S檚 parents are at work. I wonder whether they 麻豆精品 S檝e noticed the change. Most episodes, they don 麻豆精品 S檛. When it comes to Aaron 麻豆精品 S檚 parents and Aaron 麻豆精品 S檚 illness, check the sand. That 麻豆精品 S檚 where you 麻豆精品 S檒l find their heads.

I head back downstairs, and Aaron 麻豆精品 S檚 still trying to make room for the jug. Finally, he gives up. He pulls the honey jar down from the high shelf, uncaps it, and sticks a finger in. He puts the finger into his mouth. He does this a few more times. He doesn 麻豆精品 S檛 offer me any, and I don 麻豆精品 S檛 ask. Off his meds, Aaron can be thoughtless, but I try not to make him feel bad. Guilt 麻豆精品 S檚 not a motivator when he 麻豆精品 S檚 like this. Guilt only makes things worse.

He fastens the lid and returns the jar to its place on the shelf. He lies down on the bed, and I lie next to him. The sheets are musty, unwashed.

麻豆精品 S淗ow do you know? 麻豆精品 S� I say. I may as well be asking a toddler how the spaghetti sauce got all over the walls, but I have to try.

麻豆精品 S淚 can feel it, 麻豆精品 S� Aaron says, voice thin through the pillow. 麻豆精品 S淚t 麻豆精品 S檚 here. 麻豆精品 S�

麻豆精品 S淗ow does it happen? 麻豆精品 S� I say.

Aaron is quiet so long, I nudge him just to make sure he hasn 麻豆精品 S檛 smothered himself. When he jumps, I realize I 麻豆精品 S檝e woken him. He throws the pillow across the room. It hits the TV and falls to the floor.

Aaron pulls the remote from his pocket and turns the TV on. According to the news, there 麻豆精品 S檚 been a strike in Pakistan. Something to do with American missiles. Something to do with the threat of nuclear armament. The anchors theorize. Which countries have the bomb? Which don 麻豆精品 S檛? Tune in at ten to find out 麻豆精品 S攖hat sort of thing. It 麻豆精品 S檚 nothing you don 麻豆精品 S檛 see every few days, but it 麻豆精品 S檚 all the evidence Aaron needs.

麻豆精品 S淚f there 麻豆精品 S檚 a detonation, even a hundred miles away, the fallout alone will keep us underground for ten years, 麻豆精品 S� Aaron says.

That 麻豆精品 S檚 a lot of bottled water, I want to say. Instead, I tell him that it 麻豆精品 S檚 all right, that no bombs are falling, that I 麻豆精品 S檓 here.

I don 麻豆精品 S檛 know where Aaron gets his information. Maybe he makes stuff up. Maybe he 麻豆精品 S檚 trying to scare me, or maybe he believes what he says. Some of it he gets online. I know from his laptop 麻豆精品 S檚 browser history, which is mostly war and death.

麻豆精品 S淚 love you, 麻豆精品 S� I say.

Aaron changes the channel. More Middle East, more death.

The pill bottle is on the dresser by the bed. I reach it and uncap it. The next part, I have to be careful.

麻豆精品 S淗ow about some medicine, sweetie, 麻豆精品 S� I say, and Aaron knocks the bottle from my hand.

I 麻豆精品 S檓 on my hands and knees, picking up the little white pills, when Aaron says the country 麻豆精品 S檚 started testing new poisons on its own people. 麻豆精品 S淭hey drive them out to New Mexico and gas them, 麻豆精品 S� he says.

麻豆精品 S淚 麻豆精品 S檓 sure that 麻豆精品 S檚 not true, 麻豆精品 S� I say.

The first pill 麻豆精品 S檚 the hardest, but it 麻豆精品 S檚 only the beginning. They 麻豆精品 S檙e antipsychotics, not miracle drugs, and sometimes it 麻豆精品 S檚 a week before they kick in. Even if I can get this one into him, I have a long road ahead of me.

麻豆精品 S淚t 麻豆精品 S檚 totally true, 麻豆精品 S� Aaron says. 麻豆精品 S淚 saw footage. 麻豆精品 S�

I let it go. I pick up the last pill.

麻豆精品 S淚 麻豆精品 S檒l make it worth your while, 麻豆精品 S� I say.

I stand, hands on my hips. Aaron pops the pill.

Do I feel bad? Bad for using my wiles to get a pill into Aaron 麻豆精品 S檚 gut? I do not.

After, I brush my teeth over the kitchen sink. When I move back to the bed, Aaron 麻豆精品 S檚 already asleep.

It 麻豆精品 S檚 almost midnight when he wakes. I 麻豆精品 S檓 watching a TV movie, and Aaron puts a hand on my leg.

麻豆精品 S淣ot now, sweetie, 麻豆精品 S� I say. I 麻豆精品 S檓 tired. I 麻豆精品 S檓 worried. I turn the TV off.

麻豆精品 S淔or me? 麻豆精品 S� he says.

I tell him to take another pill and we 麻豆精品 S檒l talk.

He takes the pill and pulls down his pants.

I 麻豆精品 S檓 in no mood, but a deal 麻豆精品 S檚 a deal, and it turns out to take almost no time at all.

麻豆精品 S淚 love you, 麻豆精品 S� he says, and, from our bed, I hear him move to the pantry, hear the honey jar lid come unscrewed followed by a quiet, occasional slurping.

麻豆精品 S淲ake me up for the end of the world, 麻豆精品 S� I say, and Aaron says, 麻豆精品 S凄辞苍 麻豆精品 S檛 worry, I will, 麻豆精品 S� no trace of irony, sarcasm, any of it.

He 麻豆精品 S檒l laugh when I tell him. When he 麻豆精品 S檚 well, we 麻豆精品 S檒l have dinner someplace nice. We 麻豆精品 S檒l celebrate another episode overcome. I 麻豆精品 S檒l repeat the things he said, and he 麻豆精品 S檒l shake his head, embarrassed, but also amazed.

麻豆精品 S淚 don 麻豆精品 S檛 know, 麻豆精品 S� he 麻豆精品 S檒l say. 麻豆精品 S淚 don 麻豆精品 S檛 know what gets into me. 麻豆精品 S� And he 麻豆精品 S檒l reach across the table and take my hand and squeeze.

The TV comes on and Aaron turns the volume down low. I feel a hand on the back of my head, and I hope it 麻豆精品 S檚 not the one covered in honey. He smooths my hair, and I think how this is maybe going to be an easy one. In March, Aaron and I spent an afternoon under the bed. In May, he stayed in the basement, lights off, for a week. I 麻豆精品 S檇 leave for work and come home to cups brimming with piss. At the end of the week, it took a day 麻豆精品 S檚 worth of laxatives to empty him out.

In the morning, I 麻豆精品 S檒l call Arby 麻豆精品 S檚. Aaron 麻豆精品 S檚 boss knows the drill and, to date, has been surprisingly accommodating. Aaron has five days paid vacation left for the year, but I 麻豆精品 S檓 hoping to get him back to work in a day, hoping one of these years, by the end of the year, Aaron will have some days left and we 麻豆精品 S檒l go somewhere the way people go places when they 麻豆精品 S檙e young and in love.

麻豆精品 S淎aron, 麻豆精品 S� I say. 麻豆精品 S淚 need you to take your medicine. 麻豆精品 S�

麻豆精品 S淚 will, 麻豆精品 S� he says, but his hand stops smoothing my hair.

麻豆精品 S淧romise, 麻豆精品 S� I say. 麻豆精品 S淧romise me that in twelve hours you 麻豆精品 S檒l take another pill. 麻豆精品 S�

麻豆精品 S淚 promise, 麻豆精品 S� he says.

Here 麻豆精品 S檚 what I know: I know that, one of these times, it 麻豆精品 S檚 not going to be so easy. One of these days, no matter what I do, I won 麻豆精品 S檛 be able to get Aaron back on his meds. What I don 麻豆精品 S檛 know is what comes next. This is my fear, the fear of the unknown.

And, in this way, maybe Aaron and I aren 麻豆精品 S檛 so different 麻豆精品 S攖wo people afraid of things beyond our control. Except that, in the end, I have a pretty good idea whose nightmare is destined to come true.

The mercury 麻豆精品 S檚 rising, ice caps flattening into the sea. We 麻豆精品 S檝e got dams collapsing and power plants blowing sky-high, plus enough bombs to make the earth 麻豆精品 S檚 surface match the surface of the moon.

The end of the world? It could happen. No one 麻豆精品 S檚 denying that.

But it 麻豆精品 S檚 the end of Aaron that scares me.

I wake. I turn to put my arm around Aaron, but all I get is pillow. The TV 麻豆精品 S檚 off, the room dark. It 麻豆精品 S檚 still dark outside. I check under the bed. I check the cabinet below the kitchen sink. I check upstairs, then I go back to bed.

But I can 麻豆精品 S檛 sleep. Aaron doesn 麻豆精品 S檛 leave the basement, not when he 麻豆精品 S檚 like this. This is new, and new is scary, and, after a few minutes, I rise and turn on the lights. I move to his side of the bed. There 麻豆精品 S檚 a sock on his dresser, weirdly out of place. Beneath the sock, I find the pills, chalky, deformed, and I wonder how long each stayed tucked under his tongue before I looked away. This worries me, but not as much as what I see next, which is the honey jar empty, licked clean.

I tell myself no way could he be where I think he is, but, nights like this, I know better than to underestimate Aaron, and I don 麻豆精品 S檛 even bother to tie my shoes.

I 麻豆精品 S檓 up the stairs in seconds, out the door and running through the yard in a T-shirt and panties. My laces strike my ankles like the tongues of snakes. There 麻豆精品 S檚 a half-moon, and it slicks the driveway in a wet, ivory shine. The garage door is up and the lawn mower 麻豆精品 S檚 been pulled out. Gardening tools scatter the driveway like a tornado came and hit just the garage. I run faster, into the neighbor 麻豆精品 S檚 yard.

I 麻豆精品 S檝e never seen her backyard, only the bees that rise from it. The perimeter is a fence of wood planks too high to climb, but an open gate tells me which way Aaron went. I pass through the gate and a floodlight flicks on.

And there, in the lamplight, is Aaron. And there is the hive. It 麻豆精品 S檚 just a white box, a white, wooden box half a coffin in length.

I don 麻豆精品 S檛 see any bees.

No, what I see is Aaron with a rake in his hands. He 麻豆精品 S檚 standing as far back from the box as he can, reaching with the rake in what I can only guess is an attempt to pry open the lid. The rake quivers in his hands and the wide metal fan combs the hive.

Also, he 麻豆精品 S檚 got an EpiPen in each leg. They bob from his thighs like banderillas from the back of a bull.

I don 麻豆精品 S檛 know what a jarful of honey and two shots of adrenaline do to a man, but Aaron doesn 麻豆精品 S檛 look good. He shakes, almost convulsing, back heaving with every breath.

I could call 911. I could run back to the house and pick up the phone, but by then it would be too late.

麻豆精品 S淎aron, 麻豆精品 S� I say, and he jumps.

I 麻豆精品 S檓 a few yards away, and I take a step closer. I don 麻豆精品 S檛 want to scare him. I don 麻豆精品 S檛 want him making any sudden moves.

麻豆精品 S淚 wanted to surprise you, 麻豆精品 S� he says.

麻豆精品 S淚 麻豆精品 S檓 surprised, 麻豆精品 S� I say. 麻豆精品 S淧lease, sweetie. Come back to bed. 麻豆精品 S�

麻豆精品 S淚 麻豆精品 S檓 not tired, 麻豆精品 S� he says.

His arms tremble and the rake scrapes the box. From somewhere, a bee rises and swims, lazy, in the air around us.

麻豆精品 S淎aron, 麻豆精品 S� I say. 麻豆精品 S淚 want you to put the rake down. Now. 麻豆精品 S�

Perhaps they 麻豆精品 S檙e sleeping, I think. Perhaps, at night, the bees go to bed and don 麻豆精品 S檛 fly and don 麻豆精品 S檛 sting. God, I want to believe it.

I take another step forward, and Aaron shrieks.

麻豆精品 S淪top! 麻豆精品 S� he says.

I hold up my hands like a bank teller on the wrong end of a gun.

麻豆精品 S淚 just want to help you, Aaron, 麻豆精品 S� I say.

Somewhere in the beekeeper 麻豆精品 S檚 house, a light comes on.

麻豆精品 S淚 ate all the honey, 麻豆精品 S� he says, fresh tears fattening his cheeks.

麻豆精品 S淚 don 麻豆精品 S檛 care about that. 麻豆精品 S�

麻豆精品 S淣o, 麻豆精品 S� he says. 麻豆精品 S淚t 麻豆精品 S檚 not fair. You didn 麻豆精品 S檛 get any. 麻豆精品 S�

麻豆精品 S淚 did, 麻豆精品 S� I say. 麻豆精品 S淩emember the pear? I had some. I 麻豆精品 S檓 fine. The rest was for you. 麻豆精品 S� I take another step. 麻豆精品 S淚 don 麻豆精品 S檛 even like honey all that much. 麻豆精品 S�

The rake slaps the hive and rattles the lid.

麻豆精品 S凄辞苍 麻豆精品 S檛 lie to me. You love honey. I know it. 麻豆精品 S�

A bee lands on the rake, then lifts back into the sky. Another circles Aaron 麻豆精品 S檚 head.

I take another step. I 麻豆精品 S檓 close. If I lunged, I could grab the rake, but I don 麻豆精品 S檛 know about Aaron. He 麻豆精品 S檚 little, and I 麻豆精品 S檓 thinking I could take him down, but I worry what it will mean if I 麻豆精品 S檓 wrong.

A window opens above us and a head pokes out.

麻豆精品 S淵ou kids crazy? 麻豆精品 S� the woman calls. 麻豆精品 S淕et away from there! Get away from there right now! 麻豆精品 S�

A hum has started up in the box, and that can 麻豆精品 S檛 be good. It sounds the way a button sounds when it 麻豆精品 S檚 come loose from your shirt in the dryer, only multiplied by, like, a thousand.

麻豆精品 S淐all 911! 麻豆精品 S� I yell, and the window slams shut.

麻豆精品 S淎aron, 麻豆精品 S� I say. 麻豆精品 S淎aron, I want you to put the rake down and come inside. 麻豆精品 S�

He 麻豆精品 S檚 looking right at me, but it 麻豆精品 S檚 like he can 麻豆精品 S檛 hear me, can 麻豆精品 S檛 hear past the grim determination to do the thing he set out to do.

He looks at the hive, and a bee lands on his shoulder.

My own tears are coming now. I 麻豆精品 S檓 no crier, but I can 麻豆精品 S檛 help it. Because it 麻豆精品 S檚 my fault. Because I shouldn 麻豆精品 S檛 have slept except when he slept. Because, finding him missing, I can 麻豆精品 S檛 believe I went back to bed. Those five minutes, I think. In those five minutes, I might have found him, stopped him before he left the garage.

麻豆精品 S淥nce the bombs fall, there won 麻豆精品 S檛 be any honey, 麻豆精品 S� Aaron says, his voice garbled and faraway-seeming. There are bees in his hair, bees covering the lid of the box, a patina of bees with fat abdomens and bright wings. Their wings shine like diamonds in the security lights, and I give up the hope that Aaron hasn 麻豆精品 S檛 been stung.

When we were kids, our moms took us to play at a park with monkey bars and swings and a slide. On one side of the playground, a red pipe rose like a snorkel from the earth. It connected belowground to another pipe that rose from the other end of the park. Each pipe was fitted with a megaphone the shape and size of a showerhead and perforated by the same tiny, black holes. I 麻豆精品 S檇 stand at one end and Aaron would stand at the other, and, across the playground, we would throw our voices at each other. Our words came out cavernous, like shouts from behind closed doors. We giggled. We practiced cursing. We told dirty jokes. And, one day, Aaron said, 麻豆精品 S淚 love you. 麻豆精品 S� I laughed, and Aaron said, 麻豆精品 S淚 do, Grace. I love you. 麻豆精品 S� We were ten years old, and we 麻豆精品 S檝e said it ever since.

麻豆精品 S淚t 麻豆精品 S檚 for you, 麻豆精品 S� he says now, and his voice arrives like an echo, like it used to when he told me he loved me before either of us knew what loving the other meant or what it would mean.

The first sting is in my side. I see the bee caught in my shirt. It wriggles, trying to get free.

麻豆精品 S淎ll of the honey, 麻豆精品 S� he says. 麻豆精品 S淔or you. 麻豆精品 S�

I leap. I knock Aaron to the ground and pry the rake from his hands. I fling it like a javelin across the yard, far from the hive, and I sit on Aaron 麻豆精品 S檚 chest, hands pinning his wrists to the lawn.

A door opens, and a storm trooper steps out. Or that 麻豆精品 S檚 what it looks like, our neighbor dressed in white, some kind of beekeeper 麻豆精品 S檚 suit and what looks like a watering can at her side.

Her face is hidden behind something like a mask made for fencing, but, when she speaks, her words pierce the mask, clear and unfiltered.

麻豆精品 S淚 don 麻豆精品 S檛 know what you kids are up to, 麻豆精品 S� she says, 麻豆精品 S渂ut, for the love of God, please don 麻豆精品 S檛 move. 麻豆精品 S�

They say that, with enough adrenaline, you can do anything. You hear stories of men wrestling torn arms back from alligators and mothers lifting cars off their kids. I 麻豆精品 S檓 on top of Aaron, but I see too late that the weight of my body is nothing compared to what courses through his veins, and I see that I 麻豆精品 S檝e failed him again.

麻豆精品 S淧lease, 麻豆精品 S� I say, and then I 麻豆精品 S檓 in the air. I 麻豆精品 S檓 flying. I 麻豆精品 S檓 falling. I 麻豆精品 S檓 tumbling, and I hit something, hard. The hive comes apart, the buzz turns to roar, and the moon, like magic, goes out of the sky.

I hear grunting and turn to see Aaron dragging himself toward me on his elbows. He 麻豆精品 S檚 like a soldier passing beneath barbed wire. The woman in the bee suit stands over him, pumping a thin fog from her can into the air.

I feel a sting, then another. My legs are lightning, and, soon, I can 麻豆精品 S檛 even look at Aaron, who 麻豆精品 S檚 no longer crawling, but rolling, a man on fire.

I look up, into the night, into the heart of the pulsing, vibrating ceiling above.

And then the swarm descends, looking, for all the world, like the end of the world.

FROM THE HEAVEN OF ANIMALS BY DAVID JAMES POISSANT. COMPILATION 漏聽2014 BY DAVID JAMES POISSANT. REPRINTED BY PERMISSION OF SIMON & SCHUSTER, INC.